Mumblings

you don't miss anyone in particular .. you just miss having someone .. someone to hold .. someone to call yours .. someone to brighten up this darkness you call life .. you think back .. back to a time when you had someone .. start remembering all the exes you once thought you loved .. you might remember something happy .. like how you met .. or the first time you kissed .. or maybe some little nuance .. like the way her laugh sounded .. or a shirt she used to wear .. or a song she used to like .. or maybe you'll remember something not so cheerful .. not quite so romantic .. maybe you'll remember the time you found out she was cheating on you .. or a certain fight you had .. or when you found out what she was saying behind your back .. and you'll get mad and start thinking i don't know why i ever hooked up with that bitch .. on the other hand .. maybe you'll think man i'm such an idiot for losing her like that .. if only i had said this or done that .. or hadn't said this or done that .. you probably have something that you kept to remind you of her .. maybe it's a gift she got you .. or an sms or an email that she sent you .. maybe you'll go on facebook to see her picture .. and then you sigh and tell yourself to stop living in the past .. so you begin to wonder when the next person will come along .. and you start to wonder if there's going to be a next person at all .. but just the thought of that is so scary that you quickly go back to thinking about your exes .. you start to wonder if X or Y was the one .. the one that got away that is .. your mind begins to swirl with all these thoughts until it hurts to think .. you tell yourself why am i obsessing about this .. why am i being such a drama queen .. you remind yourself of how lucky you are and of all your blessings .. but it just doesn't work .. you don't feel any better .. so you just give up .. fuck it you say to yourself .. fuck love .. well you've managed to push those thoughts into the back of your mind .. for now .. but rest assured they will find their way back soon.